


So I Might Never Be Alone

by chupathingy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Circus, Angels, Destiel - Freeform, Freak Show, Hurt Castiel, M/M, Mute Castiel, Protective Dean Winchester, Sex, Sexual Content, Weechesters, Young Sam Winchester, circus AU, i guess, this shit will fuck you up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-30
Updated: 2013-06-03
Packaged: 2017-12-10 01:19:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/780115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chupathingy/pseuds/chupathingy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In this world, Angels are common but unspoken of, consider as freaks. They live in fear of hunters who take them for entertainment. Castiel was taken from his family as a boy and raised in Crowley’s Circus, spending a life in mostly silence. When a green eyed man shows up one day, what will become of the quiet but painful life he knows?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya guys! This fic is a shared work, and my co-writer is booknerdkayla on ff.n. This fic is also on Fanfiction.net, where it was originally published. Thanks to booknerdykayla for letting me write with you! This is gonna be totally awesome!

Castiel was never happy, at least not where he was currently. When he was not a day over the age of ten, a man came from out of the woods, gun in hand. He remembered his mother screaming, Gabriel trying to attack the man, and gunshots, a lot of them. They had grabbed him by his wings and dragged him to the waiting van, Castiel crying the entire time. 

What happened after that was a blur of cold metal cages, blood, people trying to grab at him, and people shouting numbers. The earliest memory he could fully recall was when he woke up in the cage on a train, his wings clipped and pinned behind him and a different man watching over him. 

Because of that man, Castiel learned about where he was and what was going to happen to him. The man watching over him was named Micha and was the show’s strong man, lifting tons of items above his head. Micha was from Russia and spoke broken English, but soon became Castiel’s only friend. They spent nights talking and sharing stories, finding comfort in each others company.

For years they stayed together, talking and becoming closer than ever. Micha was only a few years older than Castiel at fourteen but looked to be in his twenties. As Castiel grew older and became more aware of what the ring leader would do to him at night. He thought is was normal for people to do that, it was how they showed love to each other. When he got older, Castiel learned what love was and what the ringleader was doing was not love, it was just for his pleasure. 

When Castiel reached eighteen, he was moved from behind the scenes and for paying customers only, he was placed front and center with the other freaks. He had never spoken to them in fear, only staying in his cage and with Micha. Now that they were separated, Castiel didn’t feel the need to speak in front of them. Remaining silent, he would sit in his cage day after day, watching the people watch him. 

One day after a good show that almost sold out, Castiel was sitting with Micha, talking about the show. 

“I think ringleader no like me anymore.” Micha said in that thick Russian accent of his that no one but Cas could seem to understand. He looked almost hurt at the statement but still smiled warmly at Castiel. “I might not be here in morning. Be strong like mother Russia for me, da?” The angel just nodded slowly, unsure of what Micha was getting at.

True to his statement, Micha was not there to say good morning or sit with him at lunch or say goodnight. Castiel tried to get out of his cage to find Micha but only ended up getting yelled at by the ringleader. Overhearing a conversation between him and the bearded lady, Castiel found himself in tears.  
“Hey Crowley?” She asked in a thick southern accent. “What did you do to that big Russian boy? haven't seen him around the angel all day.”  
“He fell in love.” Crowley said and Castiel could feel the smirk in his tone. “I had to send him out. He wanted to stay and I couldn’t bring the gal with us so I kicked him out. Maybe that little angel boy will talk now. I would love to use him in one of the acts.”

Cas let out a small whimper at hearing Crowley, the ringmaster. He tried to hold back the tears as he laid down on the metal floor of the cage. The second that Crowley yelled lights out and he was plunged into darkness, Castiel cried. He cried as hard as he did the day they took him from his family, as hard as the day he realized what Crowley did to him, and as hard as the day he realized that there was no going back.

That moment was the final turning point in his decision to be mute. At every show, Castiel sat in silence as people stared. During the times that they traveled, Castiel would ignore all the attempts at conversation by other freaks. No matter what Crowley did to Castiel, he never made another sound, not even a whimper late at night. 

Now, at twenty three, Castiel shivered as the first sounds of people poured into the tent. The group was in a small town in Kansas during the last few weeks of winter, still cold nonetheless. Crowley was dead set on selling the ‘ holy angel from heaven’ gig and dressed him up in thin robes, only showing off his bones even more. The day dragged on and he grew numb to the cold, only shivering once in awhile.   
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“Come on Dean! I hear they have an angel!” Sam said as he ran out of the car, a huge grin on his face. Dean just laughed and shook his head, following after his little brother. He payed for the tickets and grabbed Sammy’s hand, making sure he didn’t get into trouble. They walked through the crowds, riding a few rides and then finally, Sam dragged him into the freak show. Bearded women and contortionists stood behind ropes, showing off their skills or looks. He hated that people showed themselves off like that but if it was the only way you could make money then it worked. 

“Holy shit.” Sam muttered which got a smack to the back of his head by Dean as they walked closer to the cage where everyone was crowded around. His eyes widened at his jaw went slack at the sight.

“Holy shit is right Sammy.” Dean whispered, looking over the heads of men and women at the angel in the cage. “He is beautiful.”


	2. The Shadows

The angel was beautiful, far more beautiful than any human that Dean had ever seen in his life. He had traveled all across the united states as a child and teen with his father and Sam, but never once had a man, or woman, come close to the looks of this angel. Even in his neglected state with the disheveled hair and dirty face, he was astoundingly beautiful.  
Slowly, Dean began to push through the crowd, trying to get a better look at him. Sam trailed behind him, keeping a tight grip on his jacket. He heard people mutter things to their friends as they passed by.   
“I bet he is foolish in bed, with those giant wings and all.” One lady giggled.  
“he looks to be as strong as a small boy.” A man laughed, nudging his friend.   
Dean glared at the people who made the comments, biting his tongue to hold back from snapping back at them. They finally reached the edge of the cage and Dean once again stared in utter amazement.   
"Sam...have you ever seen someone so beautiful?" He asked quietly to Sam who had the same expression on his face. Sam just shrugged his shoulders and tilted his head to the side, wide brown eyes looking over the wings.   
\-------------------------------------------------  
Castiel saw the green eyed man the second he entered the blue and silver striped tent, watching him from the dark shadows of the cage. No one had ever looked at him like that, with eyes full of wonder. They usually watched him with amusement, lust or jealousy. When he was younger and would move around his cage, women would practically swoon at the sight of him strutting around the small area.   
Gabriel had taught him that angels were special, each one was unique. Castiel would smile to himself, strutting his wings to show off just like Gabriel had. One night, Crowley asked him to do just that, perform for him. Cas never strutted around again after that. It showed off his body too much and he grew to hate the looks people have him.  
However, the green eyed mans looks did not bother him at all. In fact, they made him feel special just like Micha did. The memory of Micha made his heart strings hurt, and thinking of his body lying cold in a ditch somewhere made his blood run cold. Whenever Crowley said that he 'kicked someone out' it meant he put a bullet in his head.  
Shaking the thoughts from his head, Castiel took a deep breath and stepped out from the shadows, wanting to see the man better. With him was a young man, tall for his age but still young, must be a younger brother. He wanted to reach out and talk to him, maybe he would be the one that would save him.   
Micha would make fun of him for talking about his dreams, a man would come and save him from this hell he was living. The man would come in the dark of night, unlock the cage and take him back to a cabin, far away from the circus. It would never happen however, Crowley kept the freaks guarded pretty heavily in case someone decided to play hero. It only happened one and after that, he was sure to never let it happen again.   
A woman that looked after Castiel as well, never really came up to him but would stand up to Crowley if he tried to hurt him during show hours. She claimed that Satan himself spoke through her, telling people of how they would die and where they would go. A man came in with short, dirty blonde hair. Called himself Lucifer, which was very strange in itself. He came during the middle of the night and stole her away from the show, promising her a life full of love and wealth. That was the last anyone had ever heard of her and the mysterious devil man.   
Back to the current setting, Castiel was in the full light, everyone had gone dead silent. With another deep breath, Castiel threw his wings out to the side, stretching them as far as they would go in the cramped metal prison. The once quiet crowd erupted in a chorus of cheers and gasps, staring at the midnight feathers. Even though there were many eyes on him, the only ones that he was looking at were the green ones in the front.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Dean stared. There was no other way to put it. His mouth hung open in awe and his eyes were wide, trying to take in as much of the creature as he could.   
“ Dean, you’re catching flies” Sam muttered, he too was amazed by the angel in the cage. He’d never seen one before. Dean closed his mouth and tried to break out of his haze long enough to take a few steps forward. His heart swelled with-what was it? Fear? Anger? Why would anyone force something so beautiful into shadows?   
“ H-Hey there,” Dean managed to stammer, tumbling over his words in the effort to try and communicate. The angel remained silent. Dean was then all too aware of numerous sets of eyes pointed in the direction of the frail being.   
“ I see,” Dean murmured “ You’re scared. Is that it?” There was a tug on his sleeve.  
“ Come on, we can come back when there’s less people. I’m hungry anyway.” Dean looked from the cage to his brother several times before making his final decision. He didn’t want to leave, not now, not ever. But his brother still needed him.  
“ I’ll be right back, I promise.” He didn’t know if he was understood, because those eyes, those huge blue eyes seemed to sadden. It nearly made him want to rip the lock off the cage and free the poor thing.   
“ Okay Sammy, lets go.” Dean put a hand on the back of Sam’s neck and walked slowly from the tent.


	3. The Great Escape

Watching the human leave with the younger boy, Castiel followed them with his eyes, retreating back into the shadows. A groan of disappointment followed his actions, the crowd hoping that they might get some sort of show today. The thought that Crowley might get wind of this sent a noticeable chill down his back, making him on edge for the rest of the day.

“I heard about what you did today....” A british voice said behind him after the last guest had left the grounds and as the carnies went back to their trailers. Castiel stiffened and slowly turned around, looking up from the strand of hay he was messing with. 

“Still not talking either. I know you can perform you little feathered freak.” Crowley hissed, crossing the room and grabbing his chin to force him to make eye contact. “You are gonna start getting up in front of paying guests and show them all you got...” He whispered, trailing his other hand down the side of the angel’s small, shaking frame. No matter how hard he tried, Castiel would always be fearful of Crowley and his actions. 

“I know you got a lot to show...people would love to see you naked, all tied up...” His hand began to slide around to his ass as Cas closed his eyes to block out what was to come.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Stay here Sam. Ill be back soon.” Dean whispered to Sam who was seated in the front seat of the Impala, reading a book. He shut the door quietly and snuck across the parking lot, thankful for the cloud of the moon. A break in the fence served as his entrance to the trailers, all he had to do was find the angel and get out.

When Sam dragged him around the fair, to the games and rides, Dean had his eyes out for ways in and other signs of abuse. The other ‘freaks’ were treated a little better but not by much and the fence was pretty hastily set up so there was plenty of escapes if he needed. 

Throwing the speech around in his head again, Dean found the tent that he worked in, but there were noises coming from inside. Soft grunts and shaky breaths, yet no whimpers or sounds of distress. Lifting up a loose flap, Dean poked his head into the black room, the only light coming from a lamp in the opposite corner. 

The ring leader that had glared at him after he spoke with the angel was slamming into him, one fist in his hair. Under him, the angel had tears falling down his face as his body rocked with the force of Crowley. Rage bubbled up in his chest and Dean stepped into the tent fully, his fists balled at his sides. 

“Hey bitch! Get off of him!” Dean yelled, staring at the scene in front of him. 

“The prince come to save the little angel? How romantic.” Crowley said with a smirk, not stopping his actions. “Would you like to join us? He has a mouth that is pretty good.” He shivered at the thought of using him like that. Dean took a deep breath and ran full force over at them, gripping the british man’s shoulder and shoving him away from the angel. As softly as he could, Dean picked up the angel that was shivering in the cold. Grabbing a trench coat from the floor, Dean pulled it over him and stepped out of the cage. 

“Go ahead! He was useless anyway!” The man yelled from the ground, clutching his bleeding head and staring at Dean’s back. Ignoring him, Dean carried him back out to the car, avoiding all of the drunken carnies that were standing outside of their trailers. Sam stared at the form in Dean’s hands as he walked up, setting his book aside and climbing out of the car. 

“What happened to him?” Sam asked in a soft voice, watching as Dean set him on the back seat gently, his eyes locked onto his face. 

“Get back into the front seat Sammy. Go back to reading.” Dean murmured, not looking away as he helped the angel into his coat, covering his body as best he could. “It’s okay. I'm not going to hurt you. I promise that you are safe with me. Gonna make sure you get back to where you belong. With family.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Cas was shocked. Well, in shock would be a better term. One moment he was being attacked by Crowley, the next he was being taken away. Cool air pricked at his cheeks, and the smells of the fair wafted over him. Castiel didn't often smell the fair. The cotton candy and funnel cake, hot dogs and burgers. The sweetness was overpowered by the rather foul smell of the tent, which smelled of vomit and feces. He was away from it now, being carried away by a stranger. Oh, not a stranger! It was the man, the one with green eyes. For some odd reason he felt safe. He didn’t know this man, hell he didn’t know where he was going, but for some odd reason he was calm. Cas closed his eyes and his thoughts drifted to poor Micha. Micha who’d laughed at him for dreaming. Micha who fell in love. Micha who never one hurt Cas in any way. Micha...Cas’ only friend. Micha was dead. Cas was vaguely aware of his surroundings as he was gently covered in a coat and lead into a car.   
“It’s okay. I'm not going to hurt you. I promise that you are safe with me. Gonna make sure you get back to where you belong. With family.” the poor man. Cas wanted to cry for him, and tell him that he was alone. He couldn’t find his words. They were gone. Left behind somewhere in that cage where they would remain locked up.


	4. I'm Coming Home

Dean’s first thought was to get the guy some clothes. His clothes certainly would not fit and neither would Sammy’s. He pulled up to the first thrift shop he found and ordered Sam to stay put.  
“ I’ll be out in a second, keep the windows up and the doors locked.” Sam frowned.  
“ It’s fine, Dean. The boogey man won’t get us.” To emphasize, the younger Winchester slammed the door shut and pressed the lock down. Rolling his eyes, Dean stepped into the shop and grabbed the first few pairs of jeans and a pair of sweats that looked like they would fit the angel. He then chose a few large shirts he could wear comfortably over his wings. Shoes were next, and Dean just chose a pair of sandals until he could get proper foot wear.  
“ That will be twelve dollars.” The clerk said, in a slow monotone voice. Dean handed over the money and the clerk gave him the clothes. 

Once they were back on the road, Dean rolled down the window to allow some fresh air to fill the stuffy car. Sam was silent, slouched against the passenger door probably asleep. Dean looked back at the road. It was all clear, not another car in sight. He took that as an opportunity to look back at the winged creature in the back seat. It lay there, eyes wide.  
“ You’re awake?” Dean mused, turning his head back to the road. Still clear.   
“ Are you ready to talk? Even Sam’s asleep.” Dean wasn’t expecting any conversation, shit, the guy had just been through hell, he was probably traumatized.  
“ I mean, you don’t have to. But we are going home. You can sleep in my bed if you like. I’ll take the couch.” He was babbling now.The adrenaline was still fresh in his blood and it made him fidget. Though neither of the Winchesters had a clean record with the cops, Dean had never done anything this bad the worst of his crimes was stealing a bottle of kids cough syrup when Sammy was little.  
“ You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” Dean turned back around, satisfied with his last comment.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The boy in the front seat had stared at him the entire time that Dean was gone. Castiel was sure his name was Sam but then again he had only been half aware of what was going on around him. After about three minutes of silence he spoke up, tilting his head slightly to the side as he continued his stare down.   
“What’s your name? Where are you from? Do you have any siblings? Do you like men like my brother? Do you go to school? How old are you? Do you have any friends?” The boy said with almost no breaks between questions, his bright eyes looking at him and his wings. When Dean finally returned, Sam went silent and eventually fell asleep.   
This man had been so nice to him and maybe Castiel should speak. Clearing his throat, his blue eyes locked on to the back of Dean’s head. “T-Thank you sir.” He said in a deep, gravelly voice that scared himself. It apparently scared the man as well because his head snapped around so he could look at Cas.  
“You...You spoke.” He whispered, forcing his eyes back to the road. Looking back at him through the mirror, Dean licked his lips and blinked a few times. “You’re welcome. No one deserves to be treated like that. “ Castiel nodded. He was very tired, and it was nice to sleep in a soft warm place. The stereo softly played music he’d never heard before, and while it wasn't soothing, it made him feel...happy.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
When Dean finally pulled into a dirt driveway about a hour later, he turned off the car and sat there for a moment. The moon was out, and it shone brightly over the treetops. Dean loved the trees, it would be a shame if he didn’t, because he practically lived in them. It was only him and his brother. They lived high in the mountains and so deep in the forest not even campers would ever find the large log and brick house. Lighting bugs lit the darkness sporadically and an owl cooed from somewhere behind him. He inhaled, and the smell of pine was pleasantly overwhelming.   
“ Hey Sam, come on wake up.” Dean shook his brother’s shoulder gently and the boy stirred.  
“ Wha? We home?” Sam’s speech was thick with sleep, and he had a little red mark on his forehead where he’d rested it on the window. Dean chuckled.  
“ Yeah. Go brush your teeth and get in bed. I’ll be in in a second.” Dean handed him the house key and went around to the back. The angel was asleep. Dean placed his hand on his shoulder and gently shook him.  
“ Hey buddy wake up, just for a second until we get to the hou-” Dean was cut off by a small yell. The Angel pushed himself to the other side of the doors, his eyes wide with fear, his breath coming in harsh gasps.   
“ Woah, it’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you.” Dean felt kinda bad for frightening him.  
“ Come on, it’s okay. Are you hungry? If you come inside I can heat up something.” It took a while. The angel stared at him for nearly a full minute before moving toward the open door. Once he was on his feet, Dean lead the angel to the house.   
“ Here,” Dean said once they were in and the door was locked. He handed Castiel the sweatpants and one of the biggest shirts.  
“ Put this on I’ll be in the kitchen.” Dean lead him to the bathroom and turned on the light. He shut the door quietly behind him and watched Sam lug himself up the stairs, mumbling a good night to Dean. Sighing softly, Dean leaned against the door frame and closed his eyes. Thankfully, he had gotten the angel in his house and away from the men. Castiel would be safe in his care, no matter what.


	5. Time to Tell a Tale

When Dean woke up the next morning his back ached from sleeping on the couch, not that he could call laying awake for six hours sleep. He yawned, stretched and went to wake Sammy and the angel.  
“ Hm,” he muttered upon realizing he didn’t know his name, and made a mental note to ask when the time was right. He first rapped lightly on Sam’s door.  
“ Come on Sammy, get up and shower” he called softly. He knew Sam was up when he heard the soft thud of a pillow hitting the door. Next he went to his bedroom to see if the angel was awake. He was, he sat up straight, wings pulled in tightly to his back, staring straight ahead. Dean knocked on the door to get his attention.  
“ I’m uh, about to make breakfast if you’re hungry...do you like bacon?” All he got in return was a blank stare.  
“ Okay then. See you downstairs I guess.” Dean took the steps three at a time and jumped the last four. He walked briskly to the stove and flipped it on. He padded to the fridge and took out butter, bacon, milk and eggs. He was going to make pancakes. He always made pancakes. After about twenty minutes Sam came down with the angel trailing behind him. Sam pulled three stools from under the bar-like table and sat on one.  
“ here, you can sit next to me I don’t mind.” Sam patted the stool next to him and smiled. Sammy was such a good kid, Dean was happy for that. He’d been eleven once. when he was eleven he broke into his dad’s liquor cabinet and threw it all down to his older ‘friends’. he was too young to know they had only been using him to get booze.   
“ Dean!” Sam’s voice cut into his thoughts.  
“ What?” He turned around and set three plates down in front of each stool. He put three pancakes on each, followed by two pieces of bacon and a large serving of eggs.  
“ Do you know his name?” sam asked, his still wet hair falling into his eyes.   
“ Not yet, and don’t talk with your mouth full, you just sprayed my with egg bits.” Sam grinned and opened his mouth wide, revealing little chunks of mushed bacon and pancake. Castiel only looked at his plate, as if he needed permission to eat.  
“ Hey, aren’t you hungry?” Dean nudged, the guy seemed to be a bit thin.  
“ You can eat, it’s okay.” Dean pushed the plate forward and turned around to get three glasses and the orange juice.  
“ Yeah, it’s really good. You should eat!” Sam chimed in his mouth once again full. Dean nearly dropped the carton of orange juice when the poor creature began to eat. At first he was tentative, only taking small bites at a time, but soon he was stuffing his mouth faster than dean had ever seen, and when he was done he only looked down at his plate as if he wished there were more.  
“ Are you still hungry? You can have more, there’s plenty.” it took a moment, the angel seemed to be thinking it over, then he nodded once. Dean filled the plate again and handed it to him. He closed his eyes every time he took a bite, as if he were savouring it. Sam grinned and took a huge swig of his orange juice and hopped off his stool.  
“ I’m going out okay? I found this really cool zipline a few miles out.” Dean nodded.   
“ Take your helmet and the walkie. You know the drill.” The Winchesters had acquired a very nice set of walkie talkies from the forest rangers that had a headquarters about eight miles south. One year there was a major landslide and the rangers had no way of getting into contact with Dean or Sam, so they were given wide range walkie talkies and told the make sure they had batteries in case of another emergency. Dean started to clean up as Sam walked out of the front door and off to the left. He could hear him whistling to the birds. Dean chuckled. Nerd.   
“ Okay, so I can’t keep calling you ‘angel’, can I?” dean asked, smiling. The angel only looked down at his empty plate. It was starting the frustrate Dean. All he wanted to do was help...  
“ Alright, listen buddy” he started softly. Though he was annoyed he tried to focus on keeping his voice soft and steady.  
“ I can’t help you unless you talk to me. I understand what it’s like to lose it all. Trust me I do. When I was about five I didn’t talk for a whole year. I never thought anything would get better until one day it just did. Out of the blue. I can’t say that I know how you feel, but you need to talk to me. Tell me your name, where you come from..anything! I just want to help you, okay?” 

Sam hummed as he walked along, the ground soft underneath his boots. He loved living in the mountains, even if it was a bit secluded. The summers were cool under the green canopy of the trees and the air was heavily perfumed with the scent of wildflowers. Once he started getting closer to his destination, he hiked as fast as his eleven-year-old legs would carry him. A few weeks back, he’d found a zipline. It was about a mile long and ran right across a valley gorge. The gorge was steep, on one side it was carved with a waterfall and on the other it was bare whitewashed rock. Way below, a green sloping valley rested snugly between it’s barriers. There was a small lake where the Waterfall emptied out into, and loads of trees and flowers. It was beautiful. He took his walkie out of his bag and pressed the ‘speak’ button.  
“ Hey Dean. Checking in.” Now he had about two hours to work without Dean bothering him. Sam had stashed some equipment on a branch every time he’d come for about two weeks. Hiking harnesses, rope and heavy duty clips. A few yards of bungee cables and pre-tied slip knots. His most prized bit was a sort of suspension hook which he could attach to the harness to slide down the line. It was crude, yes, but it would be worth it.   
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Castiel stared at Dean as he spoke to him after breakfast, still weighing the options in his mind. If he spoke to him, Cas might be trusted more and actually might be able to stay with the nice family. Then again, these people could kill him in his sleep for his wings once he got healthy again. It wasn’t unheard of to hear about the angel hunters and what they did to get the wings.  
Clearing his throat softly and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Cas took a deep breath. “M-My name is C-Castiel.” He said in his gravelly voice that once was crystal clear and flowed like a river. After years of silence and a few months of screaming, his vocal cords had taken the biggest hit of his entire body. Cas was even ashamed of his own voice, as well as other things on his body such as the scars.  
Nodding to himself after choosing his words carefully, Cas looked at the plate in front of him with a blank expression. “O-Or Cas. I was taken f-from my family by hunters.” He said quietly, rubbing his arms absently. “They sold me t-to the circus. I...” Castiel paused, taking another deep breath to calm himself. “I had a friend...M-Micha. They killed him. No one liked me so I st-stayed quiet.”  
Slowly, Cas looked up from the plate to look into his green eyes, wondering how he was taking it all. His face was a combination of disgust, understanding, and sorrow. At least he wasn’t amused with the story like he expected. Maybe this family would be pretty good to him, let him heal and feed him. He was unsure of what he was going to do once they were done with him but Castiel would think about that later.


	6. If You Give a Moose a Muffin

Castiel looked into his green eyes and tried to smile but only could twitch his lips slightly. “I-Im sorry. I shouldn-” Dean leaned over and pressed a hand to his lips, silencing him with that and a smile.  
“It’s okay. You can tell me whatever you want, whenever you want.” He said softly, removing his hand from his lips. “Did you sleep last night at all? When I walked in, you were just staring at the wall.”  
Cas paled at the question and looked down at the plate, rubbing his hands on his thighs. He had spent the entire night sitting on his bed, thinking of ways he could either kill himself or escape from the people. In an attempt to get out of the window, Castiel had hurt his wing on the window pane and climbed back inside. Hopefully Dean wouldn’t notice the feathers on the window sill along with the small amount of blood on the bed cover.  
“I um I just couldn’t sleep.” He mumbled, playing with the edge of the shirt that Dean had lent him last night. It had some band that Castiel had never heard of on it, something heavy because Dean was humming a song as he picked it up. Looking back at Dean, he saw that he gave him a small smile.  
“You can tell me if you didn’t sleep well last night. I'm not going to get mad or anything.” He said softly, sitting back in the old wicker chair and crossing his arms. Cas nodded and curled his knees closer to himself, wishing that he could go back to the room but also wishing for a shower.  
“May I wash up somewhere?” Castiel asked softly with a smile, looking into the green eyes that watched his every movement.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sam had woken before the sun had even risen. He needed time to get supplies without Dean being suspicious. He was going to try and spend the whole day down in the valley to see if he could find anything interesting, but first he needed food. He quietly grabbed a duffel bag and threw a whole bag of apples and a half a box of Lucky Charms in the bottom. A full loaf of bread and a tub of peanut butter and a jar of jelly followed. He then grabbed a box of all surface matches and a box of one hundred count wax candles. He had two extra pair of jeans and a towel in case he fell-or decided to swim in the small lake. All he was missing was his flashlight and his walkie and he was done packing. He wrote a quick note explaining to Dean he was going hiking, and that he had the walkie. Pleased with his work he hoisted the duffel bag onto his shoulder and started off. Even though he was getting tall, Sam’s still rather small eleven-year-old body struggled with a bag that was nearly as heavy as he was, but he pressed on.

When he finally reached the edge of the gorge he was huffing and dripping with sweat. His hair clung to his forehead and stuck to his ears. He wiped it away irritably and hooked the duffel up to one of his extra attachments and sent it down the zipline. Watching the large bag disappear into heavy fog was enough to make him have to gulp down his fear. The sun was just beginning to throw it’s first rays of light over the forest.  
“ Come on Sam, stop being such a little bitch” He muttered to himself as he strapped into the harness. It was a long way down-and a long way across. What if the harness broke? What if he didn't slow down in time? What if the line isn’t connected to anything? No. He’d seen the other end. It was connected. It was old, but strong. With that though Sam stepped off the ledge. He didn’t slide, though. He fell.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Dean lead Castiel up the stairs into his bathroom that was attached to his room. It was covered in a tan tile with a claw foot tub against the wall across from the door. He started the water and stepped back, setting a towel on the counter. “Alright. Do you need anything else before I leave you alone?” He asked, looking at the angel who looked like a little kid standing in his pajamas. Castiel had a worried look on his face as the tub filled up with steaming water, his hands nervously playing with the edge of the trench coat again.  
“Everything alright Cas?” Dean asked, stepping back just in case something was going to happen. He hated to admit it, but living with Cas was like living with a wild animal. He was always unsure of how to act around him as if he would snap at almost every comment.  
“I um.....I have never had a bath before. I usually just got hosed down in my cage.” The angel said softly, looking up from the tub at Dean.  
“Do you...Do you want me to help you? I promise I won't like touch you weirdly or anything.” Dean said awkwardly, rolling up his sleeves after the angel nodded in response. “Just take off your clothes and get in the water., I won't look.” He smirked, dropping his gaze to the floor to give him some privacy.  
Once he heard the water in the bathtub move around and a quiet voice say “Okay,” Dean looked up to see Cas sitting in the tub with his arms crossed over his chest. It would be a lie to say that the scene was not adorable. Grabbing the soap from the cabinet, Dean walked over and got down beside the tub. Taking the rag from the edge of the tub, Dean rubbed over the cuts and bruises as softly as he could, whispering a sorry whenever he heard Cas whimper.  
Dean ran some water through his hair, letting the dirty water fall down his pale back into the now murky water. He ran his own hand through the hair out of pure curiosity, smiling to himself at the soft feeling of it. Washing his back, chest and arms, Dean had to hold himself back from running his bare hands over the cuts. Even more so, Dean wanted to kiss the scarred flesh but knew that Castiel was scarred mentally and might not be able to love anyone.  
So, keeping his feelings to himself, Dean finished washing the angel quickly,, sitting back on his heels and smiling. “Nice and clean. Let me go grab you some more clothes. I'll set them on my bed and you can dry yourself with the towel.” He said with another smile, leaning forward and kissing the top of his head. Dean looked over him once more before getting up on his feet and walking into the bedroom. Another band shirt, some boxers and a pair of sweats were set on the bed and Dean left the room.  
Little to his knowledge, Castiel was smiling like an idiot, thinking of the kiss. It was different than any other kiss that Crowley had ever given him. It wasn't fueled by lust and by greed no, it was full of compassion and just love in general. “Thank you Dean.” He whispered as he dressed in the clothes left for him, a soft smile still on his lips.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Sam’s stomach lurched as the harness pulled him up sharply. Apparently you’re not supposed to jump on a zipline. He closed his eyes and reveled in how the sweet morning air seemed to overwhelm his senses,blowing through his hair and whistling in his ears, stinging his eyes and chilling his face. He started to slow down as he hit a rubber stretch on the line. When the tips of his sneakers were touching the tops of blades of grass he unbuckled the harness and got his bag. For a moment, he stood still in awe. The sun was just rising, and looked huge between the gaps of the gorge, which were much bigger than met the eye. THe red and orange bleed through every crevice, making the waterfall shimmer like rubies and painting the lang with a fiery glow. It was wonderful. 

After looking around for a bit, Sam decided breakfast would be the best idea before starting the day. He took out the lucky charms and an apple and found a good tree to sit in to watch the rest of the sunrise. He situated himself in a small willow that grew right next to the small lake.  
The water was tranquil, and he could easily see little fish and frogs swimming about in the water, it was nice. He watched the waterfall for nearly an hour before he noticed it. The way the sun shone on the falling water at first hid a small cave entrance that was just to the left. It was a circular hole in the rock the waterfall fell over, and had lots of small boulders and rocks littered around it. had someone else been here? San chuckled at himself and shook his head.  
No, if the hole had been blew up with explosives, it would be more jagged and rough, not round and smooth as it was. It looked interesting. very interesting. But what if it was dangerous? What if there was a bear or something in the cave, hibernating?  
“ It’s summer, though” he said aloud, his voice was quiet and soft, just like everything else around him. It was like an oasis. As on a last thought, he stood, dug around in his duffle for his flashlight and candles and set off into the cave.


	7. Dem' Bones

The first thing that hit him was the smell, then the cold. Sam turned on his flashlight and looked around, his breath misting in the air in front of him.The cave had a suffocating and terrifying scent-it smelled like sulfur and rotting fish..and...and something else Sam couldn’t quite identify. Covering his nose, he walked on, lighting a candle and setting it on the floor of the cave to mark his place.   
The cave was huge on the inside, sam now noticed. It had a high ceiling, possibly forty five feet. Sam could hear the rushing of the water on the rock about him and was amazed. How could a place like this exist? Lighting another candle, Sam held it in the air and set the flashlight down so he could see the floor. The place was like a palace. There were stalactites and stalagmites around the edges of the room like cave, almost looking like pillars. There was one large one that was in the direct center of the place, reaching from the top of the cave to the cold rock on the floor.   
“ Woah.” Sam breathed, turning to get his flashlight again when he saw something. It was another hole. Was it another part of the cave? He took a few tentative steps forward before Dean’s loud voice crackled over the walkie, echoing throughout the cave, making Sam jump.  
“ What the hell Sammy? Where are you?” Dean sounded angry. It wasn’t even that late-it couldn’t be past twelve thirty in the afternoon.  
“ Um..” Sam tried to think of something fast, this place-it was magnificent. Though he loved his brother, he wanted it for himself. He liked the idea of having something that belonged only to him, something special.  
“ I’m just going to hike down Ellen’s and have something to eat and come back.” Ellen was like an aunt to the Winchesters. She kept a nice diner at the bottom of the mountain trial, and was popular among the frequent campers and hikers. Sam and Dean had, on several occasions, gone on trips with her and her daughter Jo.  
“ Be back before dark” Sam huffed and rolled his eyes.   
“ Whatever Dean”  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Dean could practically feel the bitchface through the walkie. He had a strange feeling that Sam wasn’t telling the whole truth, but he didn’t know why. Sam had never lied to him, there was just no reason for it, so why didn’t he trust his brother? Trying to avoid complex and depressing thought Dean flipped on the t.v and looked up the horror channel. The Exorcist had just started. Dean was sitting back enjoying the movie when a thought crossed his mind. ‘ Cas is still upstairs.  
“Hey Cas? Do you want to watch a movie with me?” He called from the bottom of the stairs, not wanting to invade on his privacy. The soft thud of feet on wood came into the hallway  
and soon the angel appeared in his vision. Dean smiled up at Castiel before walking back out to the living room, sitting down on the couch. Cas sat down next to him, a good two feet away though, and curled his knees up against his chest.  
“What are we watching?” Castiel asked quietly, looking over at Dean. He had seen a few movies on the train with Micha sometimes. They were all pretty old and not all that popular but they were still something to keep him entertained.   
“The Exorcist I think.” Dean answered with a small smirk, turning back to the tv. As the movie progressed,Castiel began to migrate over to Dean slowly. He stared at the screen with wide eyes and seemed to rarely even breathe. By the time he noticed where he was, Castiel didn’t seem to mind being pressed right against Dean’s side. Likewise Dean didn’t mind having Castiel under his arm, but in a comforting way.   
The feelings for the angel were growing more and more, making Dean hate himself even more than he already did. Cas was broken and needed to be fixed, not have someone break him even more. It would be inevitable, they would find Cas’s family or other angels and he would leave them. No need in making the goodbye any worse than it already would be.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Sam figured he had a good ten minutes before he had to start walking back up the less steep side of the gorge, but he wanted to press in as much exploration as he possibly could. He turned his flashlight this way and that. He was currently intrigued by the stalagmites, which were almost clear. What was it, crystal? There was a certain eeriness about the cave that Sam couldn’t shake off, he almost felt like there was someone there with him. He must have zoned out in thought, because the next thing he knew he was lying on the cave floor, his hand bleeding from being cut by a particularly sharp piece of rock. He'd been getting to his feet when he saw it. A small gling in the corner of his eye, a tiny flash of gold. Turning his full attention to it he found that it was a feather. A long yellow-gold feather. Sam ran his fingers down the spine, amazed by it’s softness. His mind instantly went to a book his brother used to read him about knights in shining armor and mystical creatures like a phoenix. Is what he held in his hand evidence of a mystical creature? He started walking out of the cave, into daylight and warmth. Due to his preoccupation with his treasure, he failed to step over a large mud puddle he’d managed to avoid upon his entrance to the cave-his cave.  
“ Come on!” he shouted, covered head to toe in thick slimy mud. It was in his nose and eyes, and he had to walk over to the lake in order to regain his eyesight. He grudgingly put all his stuff away and looked one more time at the beautiful place he had found.  
“ See you tomorrow.” 

The walk home was long and uncomfortable. Sam’s clothes had stiffened with mud, and clung to him as he walked the familiar path back to the house. Every time he’d stop to rest, he looked at the feather. He didn’t know of anything with feathers that long and pretty, let alone golden. When he was finally standing in the dirt driveway of his house, he noticed the Impala was gone, and sighed with relief. It was nice to not have to explain to Dean why he was carrying a bag bigger than himself and why he was covered in mud. He walked into the house expecting emptiness, he’d forgotten about Cas. When he turned the corner to go up the stairs, he ran into the angel and dropped the feather he’d been holding.  
“ Uh sorry, just, uh, going upstairs to shower.” he promptly snatched up the feather and ran upstairs feeling the burn of Cas’ eyes on his retreating back.  
\--------------  
After the movie, Cas walked back upstairs a bit shaken up from the unexpected intensity. He curled up under the covers of his bed, trying to get some sleep in before Dean returned from the store. The front door opened and Castiel went downstairs to greet Dean. And greet him as in stand there silently and nod once to him.   
The golden feather made his heart race and his arm lash out, grabbing Sam’s wrist before he could get too far away. He pulled Sam closer with more strength than he realized that he had, staring at the feather.  
“Where did you find this?” Castiel asked in his deep, gravelly voice. Sam just stared at him, blinking quickly and shaking his head. He tightened his grip on Sam’s wrist again. “Where. Did. You. Find. This?” He asked through clenched teeth, staring him down. The sound of a door slamming made him drop his wrist quickly.  
“What the fuck Castiel?” Dean asked, setting the bags down beside the door and walking closer. He took Sam’s arm gently and looked at the wrist, turning it over in his hands. “I think you broke his wrist...”  
“Castiel didn’t do it. I slipped and landed wrong on my way home. He was just looking at it.” Sam said quickly, staring at Dean with wide eyes. “I'll wrap it up before dinner. I promise.” He added before running up the stairs and locking his bedroom door behind him.


	8. Dark Spaces

Sam waited until the alarm next to his bed indicated it was one o'clock in the morning before he stood and opened the door with his uncasted arm. The trip to the hospital had been a long one, and he could hear Dean downstairs on the couch. Perfect. He tiptoed down the hall to Dean’s room where Cas was sleeping and knocked on the door softly, when he got no reply, he opened it without permittance.  
“ Cas?” his voice was less than a whisper, but the angel’s head turned to him anyhow from his position in front of the window, eyes growing sad. Castiel knew it was because of him the boy wore a black cast on his forearm, his flesh suspended in hard plaster.  
“ Sam, I apologize.” the angel mumbled, but was cut off by the boy shoving the feather at him.  
“ Why did you get mad? What is this?” Castiel seemed to stall for a moment. Should he tell? Certainly he was obligated to give the boy something in return for hurting him so badly. He patted the a spot on the bed next to him softly and sighed.  
“ If I tell you, you must promise me that you will take me to where you found it....”  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
(Earlier that night)  
When Dean came home from the hospital with Sam, Castiel was nowhere to be found. He called his name a few times and looked around the house, not finding a single trace of the angel. Sam had told him what really happened on the way back from the hospital, so Castiel must have gotten scared.  
“Cas? I’m not mad. Please come out if you’re here.” Dean said, walking into his room (well, it was Castiel’s for now). He heard a soft whimper from the closet and Dean sighed, opening the doors slowly. Castiel pushed himself further into the closet when the doors opened, covering his face with his hands.  
“Please don’t hit me! I'm sorry! It won’t happen again, I promise. Ill sleep outside if you want me to. Just please don't hurt me.” Castiel said between sobs, his shaking hands defending his face as if Dean would hit him. He got down on his knees beside Castiel and looked into his eyes, removing his hands from his face and putting them in his own.  
“Cas...Im never going to hurt you. I made that promise and im not going to break it.” He whispered, rubbing the back of his hand absently. Dean moved one hand to his face to wipe at the tears on his cheeks, eyes never leaving the water blue ones.  
It was quiet inside of the closet, the only noise was the shaky breaths from Castiel and the blood pumping in his ears. Dean stopped moving his hand on his cheek and just cupped it, barely even breathing himself. Moving closer, Dean threw every fear he had about Castiel away and pressed his lips to Cas’s.   
Cas stayed stock still, closing his eyes but not pulling back or returning the kiss. He blinked them open when Dean removed his lips but stayed close to his face. In the dim light from the room, Castiel could see the guilt washing over his face.  
“Im so sorry Castiel. I just wanted to comfort you and im not that good with words-” Castiel cut him off before he could finish, pressing his lips to his in a deeper kiss, putting one hand on his neck experimentally.   
“I was scared that you wouldn’t want me, because I’m broken.” Castiel said softly against his lips, their foreheads touching in an intimate pose. He could feel Dean smile and his hot breath on his own lips.  
“You just need someone to fix you.” He whispered, capturing his lips again for another kiss, never wanting this to end. The sound of feet coming down the hall made him pull away, giving Cas a sad smile.  
“Dean? Did you find Cas?” Sam asked quietly, poking his head into the bedroom but not able to see the closet. “Did he run away because I took the feather?”  
Dean stepped out from the closet and shook his head, holding out his hand for Castiel who took it softly. He stood beside Dean and dropped the offered hand, wrapping his arms around his chest nervously.   
Sam looked over the two of them and just nodded slowly, backing out of the room. He left the two of them as quietly as he had entered, heading back to his room to probably read. Dean turned to face Castiel but frowned when he saw tears in his eyes. “Cas? What’s wrong?”  
“The...The feather just looked familiar and it scared me. It brought back some memories that I had forgotten. I think i just need to sleep it off.” He said softly, rubbing the skin under his eyes. Dean nodded and gave his cheek a small kiss, wiping a tear from the opposite cheek.  
“Goodnight Castiel. Ill be downstairs if you want to talk or anything.” Dean whispered as he walked out into the hallway, shutting the door behind him. Cas knew that he wasn’t going to sleep, so he sat down on the window seat and stared out into the sky.  
\-------------------------------------------------  
“ Ow, ow, ow..crap” Sam had be trying buckle all the straps and locks on his harness, but without both hands, this was an ordeal. He’d been trying for two days. All he wanted was to get to the cave, but his cast kept getting in the way. Finally, the last clip slid into place and Sam gently pushed off of the side of the cliff. The ride down wasn’t so bouncy this time, and Sam was grateful.   
Once he was out of the harness. (It took almost twenty minutes) he watched the sunrise and ate lucky charms just as he had the day before. When he was finished he went out the cave, into the blinding sunlight. He’d prepared himself with one of Dean’s old sweatshirts. Today he planned to see what was through the other passageway. He picked up his flashlight and shook it a few times to make it turn on. He set down a narrow path, only to find a fork in the path.  
“ Awesome..” Sam muttered, feeling like he was in some kind of Indiana Jones movie and half expecting a giant boulder to follow him down the path. After covering his eyes and spinning a few times, Sam decided to walk down the left passage.   
It got darker the longer Sam walked, it was also getting colder and Sam could feel involuntary shivers rolling down his back. After about ten minutes the space got smaller and smaller, until Sam had to crawl. This went on for several minutes, and the hard rock scraped his hands, knees and elbows.   
Before long, though Sam noticed the tunnel getting brighter, wherever he was he was close to the end of it. As he crawled out, he noticed one of two things. One, he was down at the highway next to the ranger station, and two he’d just gone what was usually an eight mile ride all the way down the mountain in about a half hour.  
“ So you’re telling me that you walked all the way down here and then slipped on loose rubble?” Bobby Singer, or Ranger Singer as professionally known.  
“ Yep!” Sam took a large gulp of water as Bobby tisked and put bandages and disinfectant on his cuts.  
“ Bullshit. how’d you get that?” He pointed to Sam’s cast and handed him a Snickers bar.   
“ It’s not bull, and I fell off the tire swing back home.” Okay, that was the biggest lie Sam ever told right up front. That tire swing had fallen down when he was seven because he and Dean slammed it into other trees all the time, but Bobby didn’t know that.  
“ Idjit, figured it’d be something like that.” Then he averted his eyes down to his shoes.  
“ Heard anything from your old man?” Sam’s dad, John and Bobby used to be best friends. When John left, he didn’t even tell Bobby where he was going.  
“No, nothing.” and that was it. There was just awkward silence until Dean came and got him. Apparently, Bobby had called Dean behind his back.  
“ Hey, Bobby.” Dean said, throwing Sam a look that said” I’m so going to kill you when we get home”.


	9. Sweet Dreams

“What the hell Sam? You told me you were going hiking. You didn’t go eight miles in an hour. Where were you?” Sam could feel the anger rolling off of his brother and pressed himself closer to the passenger door of the Impala and further from Dean.  
“ I was hiking Dean-I uh, just found a trail that went downhill for a while..and um, when I got to the end of it I was right at the station.” Dean looked over at him. It seemed like he was trying to see through Sam’s skull to find the truth.  
“ Don’t lie to me Sammy.” his knuckles were white on the steering wheel and there was dead silence between them.  
“ I’m not Dean!” Sam gave his notorious puppy dog face. It was like a final solution. Dean looked straight forward, features gradually softening.   
“ I trust you, Sam.” He let go of a breath he hadn't known he’d been holding.  
“ Yeah, Dean. I know.” Dean reached over and ruffled his hair.  
“ Bitch.”  
“ Jerk”  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Dean got up off the couch and yawned. He went to the bathroom and changed into more comfortable sleeping clothes and went to check on Sam. When he opened the door, he saw Sam laying sprawled over the bed, a flashlight still on in his casted hand, which was dangling over the side of the bed. Dean turned off the flashlight and carefully moved Sam’s arm to rest on the extra pillow he had for elevation. Then he took the book from his other hand and folded over the page before looking at the cover. “ The anatomy of mythical creatures” he snorted and set the book on his brother’s bedside table. He then silently padded out of the room, careful not to step on any Lego blocks that were scattered about on the floor.  
“ Night Sammy, I love you” he whispered as he shut the door behind him, a smile on his face. The door to his room was closed and Dean walked over, pressing his ear to the door. A soft humming came from the room, he knew that Castiel was still awake. Knocking on the door, Dean opened the door and poked his head inside.   
“Hey Castiel. You doing alright?” Dean asked, watching the angel carefully. He was sitting on the bed with his legs tucked under himself and his head in his hands. Cas slowly looked up and shook his head. “What’s going on?” The elder brother asked as he walked into the room and set beside him on the bed.  
“I'm just tired is all.” Cas said softly, leaning closer to Dean. “About what happened earlier...” He asked, looking into his eyes. Dean knew this was coming, he had to atone for his actions when he just really didn’t have anything to say. So instead of talking, Dean sat there in his silence, trying to think of a good reason.   
“I um..I kissed you because I wanted to...I mean you are beautiful Castiel, even with your cuts and bruises. I'm sorry but I have tried shoving the feelings down but they won’t go away.” Dean said finally in a soft voice, not daring to meet his eyes. He felt a hand on his cheek but he still gazed down.  
“Dean..I..” Cas said in just above a whisper, unable to think of what to say. Instead he did what he did best, move forward and pressed his lips to Dean’s. He used the hand on his cheek to tilt his head up, moving closer into his lap.   
It took awhile for Dean to react but when he did, he put his hands on Castiel’s hips, pulling him closer. They were positioned with Castiel’s legs around Dean’s waist, their lips locked in a heated kiss. He moved his hands from Dean’s cheek to under his shirt, sliding up the muscle, feeling it tense and relax under his cold touch.  
“C-Cas.” He breathed against his lips, putting one hand on his wrist and pulling it back. “What a-are you doing?” Dean asked softly, looking into his blue eyes with a confused stare.  
“I'm showing my thanks to you.” Castiel said innocently as if he was caught making breakfast for him instead of feeling him up.  
“You don’t have to do that Cas. Most people just, i don't know, not do that.” Dean breathed, letting a small smile spread across his lips. “You should do that when you really want to, not just because you have to.”  
“But what if I want to?” Castiel asked softly, playing with the edge of Dean’s shirt. It was true, he wanted to please him in every way possible for saving him.  
“Not like that Cas. You don't have to want to pay me back, i'm not looking for any kind of payment. I just want to....show my care for you?” He said in a hesitant voice, raising an eyebrow. Castiel laughed and moved closer, kissing him again but with his hands above his shirt. Dean loved the kissing sure, but he just had to pull back, pushing Cas off his lap.  
“I-Im sorry Cas but we can’t do this. You are...you and im me. It just won’t work, ill just break your heart even more than it already is broken. Im so sorry Castiel.” Dean said before rushing out of the room, shutting the door behind him. He got down to the couch and opened up a beer, taking a much needed swig.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Sam never really had nightmares, and when he did, they were about things like clowns or ghosts. He never had dreams like this. He dreamed he was in the dark. It was cold and he was wet, and he didn’t know where he was, so he walked forward. His shoes sloshed in what felt like water, and his toes began to get sore from the dampness of his socks. After what felt like hours he saw something. It was what appeared to be a body, so pale it nearly glowed. as he got nearer, he could make out the face. One of it’s eyes was milky and deflated. A pinkish fluid ran down one cheek, it looked like tears. There was a patch on the cheek that was eaten away, and flesh and muscle spilled from under the white skin. As if on cue, the body rose. On it’s back were large bones, they looked like they had once been wings. Gore hung from the them, half decayed flesh dripped from the fragmented bones and into the water. The body got closer and closer, close enough from one bone of a finger to poke him in the chest. The figure whispered in his ear, so close he felt what should have been nonexistent breath on his ear.  
“ Lib..er...ate” It’s speech was a raspy whisper, when it opened it’s mouth maggots spilled out like vomit.   
“ Lib..er..ate” it was repeating itself. Soon the words were bouncing off each other, getting louder and louder the longer he listened.  
“ LIBERATE!LIBERATE!LIBERATE!” the voice was no longer weak and raspy, it was a high pitched scream that echoed off the walls and pierced his eardrums. Sam screamed, he screamed for what seemed like forever. Then he was awake, lying stalk still in his bed, for hanging over him was a dead, decaying face.  
“Sam!” Dean crashed through the door and the face evaporated, but he still lay still, prarlyzed in fear.  
“ You okay? Sammy?” Sam finally looked at Dean and smiled weakly.  
“ Yeah, it was just a dream..just a bad dream, that was all” Dean frowned, but patted his head and went back downstairs.   
“ It was just a dream...” he muttered to himself again, but he slept with a stuffed monkey just incase.


	10. Whiskey on His Breath

A/N: We do not own Supernatural characters and warning, there be porn ahead.  
Sam was scared, it was late and he was too embarrassed to go downstairs and wake Dean. Only babies cry over nightmares, but this was different. He had the dream every night for almost a week, and had slept for nearly eight hours in seven days. So tonight, he was determined to do something, even if something was taking his pillow, stuffed monkey and blanket and camping out in front of Dean’s (Cas’) bedroom door.  
\----------  
On the other side of the door, Castiel was crying hard into his hands, feeling like Dean would kick him out of the house soon for what he did. He knew it was going to happen, something like this always did. Of course he had finally found something good in his life and Cas had gone and fucked up everything. When he caught sight of himself in the mirror, Castiel stopped crying and straightened his back.   
“What am I doing?” He whispered, staring at what he had become. Gabriel had told him stories of strong angels, defeating the bad things easily, not crying over them in a bedroom. They were supposed to take care of problems simply, take care of others and he had failed in just about every single one of those.   
Frustrated with himself, Castiel pushed up off the bed and opened his door slowly, stepping past the sleeping Sam that he knew was there. It had only been a few days since the dispute between Dean and Castiel, then Sam waking up from that nightmare. Ever since then, the house had been very quiet for everyone. Dean was very distant to everyone as the bottles of beer began to pile up in the kitchen at a faster rate every day.  
Speaking of the bottles, Castiel could hear them clicking around in the kitchen as he stepped down into the living room. He saw Dean resting his head in his hands in the kitchen, all of the lights off except for the one in the hallway.  
“Dean? May I talk to you?” Castiel asked quietly, standing in front of the stairs in case he needed to dart back up the stairs. He saw Dean lift up his head and nod once, waving him over to the couch. As quietly as Castiel could, he walked over to the couch and sat down on the edge, fearful of Dean.   
“I um...Im sorry for messing everything up...I broke Sam’s wrist, im becoming a burden and now you are drinking everything bad away.” Castiel muttered, staring down at the coffee table. “Just say the words and I will leave you alone. You will never have to deal with me again.”  
At this Dean, straightened his back and stared right at Castiel. He reached out and grabbed his arm gently, looking right into his eyes. “Don’t you ever say that again. I want you here more than it should be healthy. Im not drinking to make you go away...im drinking to..” He paused, licking his lips in thought. “Im drinking to push my own feelings away.”  
“Feelings?” Castiel asked, tilting his head to the side slightly but not breaking his gaze.  
“Cas...Jesus..” Dean muttered, running a hand through his hair. “I love you Cas. I know I shouldn’t because the last thing you need right now is this but...I cant drink you away. Ive never felt like this before.”  
Castiel was silent, his eyes dropping to his lap as his mind raced. He took a deep breath and looked back up at Dean, moved forward on the couch and pressed his lips to Dean’s. He could still taste the whiskey on his lips, not that Castiel minded. Crowley had that taste on him but this time, Cas found himself wanting more of it.   
“D-Dean...” Cas moaned after a while of heated kisses, moving to straddle his lap. He rested his forehead on Dean’s and looked into his eyes, his breath coming in short bursts.  
“Yeah?” Dean whispered back, moving forward to try and capture his lips again.  
“Can I suck you off?” He whispered in his ear, nipping at the lobe. It was something Crowley had taught him but yet again, this time felt more intimate and caring. Dean let out a groan and nodded his head slightly, moving his lips to kiss along his jawline.   
With an eager smile, Cas moved down Dean’s chest, getting in between his legs. He slid his hands along Dean’s thigh’s, looking up at the hazy green eyes. After pressing a few teasing kisses to the skin above his jeans, Castiel tugged at the zipper slowly. Once it was down, Castiel slid his jeans down to his thighs along with his boxers, exposing the hard member to the colder air. Dean took in a sharp inhale of breath through clenched teeth at the feeling.   
Cas looked up at him as he licked along the underside of the shaft, his hand wrapped around the base of the throbbing length. He swirled his tongue around the head, tasting the bit of pre-cum that was already there. Dean moaned loudly at the contact, his hand instinctively going to the back of Castiel’s head, threading into the raven hair.  
“Keep quiet. Don't want Sam to hear.” Castiel scolded playfully before taking the head of his cock into his mouth, sucking lightly on it. As he closed his eyes and took more of the heated skin into his mouth, he heard Dean moan into his hand. Smirking around the cock, Castiel began to stroke whatever he couldn't fit into his mouth just yet.  
“Fuck Cas...Not gonna last too long with you doing this to me.” Dean managed out between moans and deep breaths. His grip on Castiel’s hair tightened ever so slightly as his hips came off the couch, fucking himself into Castiel’s mouth. He gagged slightly at the unexpected help but relaxed his throat to help Dean out, wanting to make him cum.  
He got his wish not too long after he basically deep throated Dean, tasting the semen in the back of his throat as Dean moaned into his hand. Castiel swallowed as much as he could, a small dribble sneaking out of his mouth and down his chin as he pulled back. Dean leaned forward and wiped the cum off his chin with a soft smile, licking his thumb clean after.   
“Come ‘ere.” Dean whispered, waving Castiel up to him. He pulled Dean’s jeans back up, tucking him back inside of his boxers before getting back on the couch. Once he was on the couch, Dean pulled him into his lap and kissed his cheek, holding him in his arms.   
“I love you Castiel. I want you to stay here for as long as you want to. Im never gonna hurt you” Dean assured, running a hand through his hair lazily.Castiel felt himself smile proudly as he nodded, tucking his head under Dean’s chin.   
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
It had been a while since Sam had last went to his cave. By the seventh day he was itching to get there, more than usual. He’d already left his stuff there the last time he went because Dean picked him up from the ranger’s office, so he had nothing to carry. It was odd to walk up the hill with such ease, without the burden of the heavy bag that slumped his shoulders and strained his back. He flew down the zipline in record time eager to get down to where he left his stuff. To his dismay, there had been some changes. The Lucky Charms box was empty. The peanut butter and jelly jars seemed to have been licked clean and there was a single apple core left. Sam looked over the relics, astonished. Was there someone else there with him? There couldn't be, could there?  
In the end, Sam decided to have a look around the cave once more. It was already starting to rain and there was a storm on the way. He stepped into the dank cold and sighed. It was almost comforting. He felt like this was his home. This cave was his sanctuary, his fortress of solitude where he could sit and think, or just sit and be. Sometimes it was nice to just be. Not Sammy or Sam or “ that Winchester kid.”, he just was and he liked it like that. So the thought of an invader made him a tad bit uneasy. He felt selfish that he didn’t share this place with Dean or even Cas, but it was HIS. It was HIS very own cave, it all belonged to him and he’d never had that type of freedom before. Satisfied with his small search of the cave, he left. He began the slow climb up the mountain, raindrops plopping on his face and shoulders. One time, when he was reading a book about ancient legends and religion he read about the rain. Some people used to think the rain was the tears of the gods, and it could cleanse your soul from all evil and sin. The rain felt like it was fixing him. Peeling away the thin shell he had built ever since his dad left. It had taken forever to bounce back, and act like nothing was wrong, but there in the rain as his disguise got weaker and weaker, burned from his body, he felt raw and vulnerable. For once he was glad for the rain. Not only because of the memories of the story, but because no one can tell you’re crying if you’re already drenched.   
Sleep came easy as he curled up on the floor in front of Cas’ room. He dreamed that he was sitting on a cloud, watching people in black search around his valley. This worried him. Why were so many people there? they were tainting it, ruining it with their corruptive ways. They took things out of the cave why were they-  
“ Sam, get off the floor. Come on.” Cas was picking him up off the floor and helping him to his feet.  
“ loosen up Cas, gosh.” Sam mumbled, rubbing his arm. The angel hardly knew his own strength.  
“ Apologies” Cas said, brushing him off. It was still dark outside, only one o’ clock. Sam could have slept for another hour if it weren’t for Cas’ odd wake up call.   
“ What do you want, Cas?” Cas looked down and at the door, then set him down.   
“ You were blocking the way to the door.” Sam huffed, but was awake already so he figured he’d get dressed. He went into his room and put on jeans and a thermal shirt. He pulled on thick hiking socks and slid down the railing of the stairs so he wouldn’t wake dean by creaking on the stairs. He picked up on one of Dean’s sweatshirts and pulled it over his head, grabbing a banana from the kitchen as he did so. He pulled on his boots and put his bag on his back and was ready to go. 

The day was hot, too hot. Sweat poured down his face as he messed around in the valley, so he decided to go further in the cave. he strapped a head lamon and pulled Dean’s sweater tighter. He’d never been in the right wing of the cave, and he hoped it wasn’t as tight fitting as the other areas was. he crawled for a while, looking around as the dark clay of the cave wall. He came across a huge pile of golden feathers, just as his lamp went out.  
“ Shit” he mumbled, and blundered on. And that was the biggest mistake Sam Winchester had ever made in his life. He fell. He fell for so long he knew he was falling, and that was the last complete thought he had. His stomach flew into his throat and bile pushed it’s way out of his nose and mouth. He hit the ground this a sickening thump, his head hit a rock and started to bleed, he fumbled to get the walkie but the dark came too quickly for him to do anything.  
A/N: DUN DUN DUUUUNNNN!!!! What will happen next chapter? What /should/ happen next chapter? Let us know what you think so far! We love to get reviews, follows, favorites etc.   
Side note: Sorry for the delay on this chapter, Kayla (booknerdkayla) had some life problems and she had to deal with them. But we are back on track with this story!


	11. Are You my Mummy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys another chapter up! This fic here is just about to come to a close. but before we do that we need some of your thoughts on the writing style as we intend to continue writing together. Also tell us what you thought of how we wrote this particular story if you like, it will be a big help. Thanks all of you who read!

When Castiel awoke, he was wrapped in Dean’s arms with his head under his chin and in the room that Cas slept in. He was unsure of how he got into the room but he found himself not really caring all that much.  
“Oh, you’re awake.” Dean mumbled, kissing the top of his head. Cas smiled at the touch and moved up, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. They were still dressed in jeans and t-shirts despite what they did last night.  
“Was last night good?” Cas asked quietly, looking into his emerald eyed with a worried expression. In response, Dean’s expression softened and he nodded, kissing the corner of Castiel’s mouth.  
“Of course it was. You were amazing Castiel. I..I want to show you the same feeling, but only if you want to.” Dean said, worrying his lower lip between his teeth. It took Castiel a few moments before he responded, running the idea over in his mind. He had never been on the receiving end before, only the one that gave it. After a few more moments, Castiel nodded slowly.  
“Just tell me to stop and I will.” Dean promised, moving Castiel so he was on his back. With a curious but pleased expression, Castiel watched Dean as he removed the too big shirt from him, kissing the pale skin once it was exposed. The older man made his way down his chest, kissing the skin and dragging his tongue over the peaks of his nipples. Upon that contact, Castiel inhaled sharply through his teeth and smiled.  
“Doing good Cas?” Dean asked with a smirk, his hands messing with the buttons on his jeans and pulling them down slowly. Due to his systems being over ridden with pleasure, Castiel was only able to nod a few times before his head fell back against the pillows. Even though he hadn’t done this in a while, Dean was fairly sure that he was doing a good job by the way Cas was responding.  
The walkie talkie downstairs crackled but Dean blew it off, figuring that it was just picking up the local ranger station like it did from time to time. He ignored it and continued his work on Castiel, pulling off the size too big boxers off of him.  
“Damn Cas...” he breathed, looking down at the already hard length with wide eyes. Dean had imagined him to be ‘gifted’ from his size but it still looked fantastic. It was just the same color as his skin but hard as a rock with a bead of precum falling down the shaft. Unable to control himself, Dean leaned down and licked up the length, tasting the precum.  
“D-Dean...” Castiel moaned, his hand going to the back of his head and gripping the short hair lightly. Dean smiled at that and took the head into his mouth, sucking lightly which rewarded him with another moan from Castiel. His hands were on Castiel’s thighs, massaging the tense flesh slowly in order to help him relax. Pulling back, Dean reached over to the bedside table and grabbed a bottle of lube.  
“I want to love you Cas, the right way. May I?” Dean asked, kissing his sharp hipbones that jutted out from under the skin. Castiel got up on his elbows and nodded at Dean, not even taking a moment to think about it. Slowly, Dean spread the lube on his fingers and circled his rim with one finger. In response, Castiel moaned loudly, grabbing the sheets tightly.  
“I got you Castiel. Im gonna make you feel good.” Dean assured, moving up to place kisses to his lips while the finger continued to massage him open. Placing a deep kiss on his lips to distract him, Dean slid the finger inside him, getting a surprised yelp from the body under him.  
“D-Dean..It hurts.” Castiel almost whined, trying to get out of his grip. Dean kissed his neck gently and moved up to his ear.  
“Just relax Cas. It wont hurt in a little bit, I promise. Just trust me.” Dean whispered, kissing the skin below his ear. Cas nodded slowly, trying to focus on his lips on his skin. Finally Castiel was able to relax and Dean was able to work a second finger in.  
After some moving around, Dean found his prostate and hit it with both finger, making Castiel cry out in pleasure under him. A smirk found its way to his lips as he hit it over and over again, stroking Castiel with his free hand.  
Unable to take all the hands on him, Castiel came with a scream of Dean’s name against his fist and stomach. Dean was whispering words of comfort and praise as he removed his fingers, licking up the cum from his chest.  
“You were so good Cas. So beautiful.” Dean whispered as he moved behind him, wrapping the naked Cas into his arms and the blanket around him, ignoring the crackle of the walkie downstairs again. As Castiel fell asleep in his arms again, Dean wondered where Sam was and if he had heard what just happened.  
\------------  
When Sam woke up, he was first confused. It was dark, and the pain in his chest, head and leg was nearly unbearable. His left leg had nearly gone numb, save for a sharp prickling in his shin. he was covers in cold sulfur smelling water and was positively freezing. He attempted to pull the hood of Dean’s hoodie over his head, but stopped when he felt a warm flow of blood running from the back of his head and down his neck. He began to cry then. All he really wanted was his brother.  
He sighed heavily and screamed, it felt like something was burning him, searing his lungs. His hands slowly traveled down his chest and he felt a sharp bit of rock protruding from his small chest. He pulled it out slowly, shouting as the flesh around it was scraped. Blood pumped through the gaping hole and he put his hand over it to try and stop it.  
He was so cold, he hated it. His body shook with shock and fever, he lost feeling in his toes and fingers, fear ran through his body like electricity. He felt around for the walkie, but had trouble moving the left side of his body. He finally found it, and it took all his strength to press the button.  
“ Dean” he croaked, his walkie crackeling. It must have been rather loud on Dean’s side, because it never made that sound unless Dean had the volume up. there was no reply, so he tried again, this time his speech was slurred and tiny.  
“ De-help me. It hurts.”  
Still no reply.

He started to get very sleepy, warmth spread through his body and there was a sudden light to the cave he had never seen before. There were sniffing sounds coming from the corner, and Sam grunted as the pain came back.  
“ Hello?” his voice was barely a whisper, but the figure moved all the same. It was a boy about sixteen or seventeen. It wasn’t a boy-no-it was an angel. He had large golden feathers and golden brown eyes, along with a dark spot just above his left breast.  
“ I’m sorry” the boy said sniffing. What was he crying about? Then there was a bright light and he was gone. Sam felt warmness overtake his body and the sound of a woman’s voice filled his head.  
“ It’s alright baby, it’s okay. The hurt will stop soon.” For some reason he knew who it was.How did he know who it was? He hadn't seen her since she died when he was a baby.  
“ Mommy?” the word was foreign to his lips, and it seared him with such a mental pain he had to close his eyes.  
“ Yes honey. Someone’s coming down for you.” What did she mean by that?  
“ Who was that boy?” His lips weren’t moving but he heard them in his mind. His breathing started to slow, and his lungs screamed to be filled.  
“ His name is Gabriel, you know his brother” Sam sighed and everything stopped. 

When he opened his eyes again, the pain was ebbing, he couldn’t feel much. He grabbed the walkie in one last futile effort to communicate to his brother.  
“ Dean?” this time, a voice responded immediately.  
“ Sam? where are you? it’s been four days!” the voice on the other side wasn’t Dean’s, it was Cas’. Sam felt a strong urge to tell him about Gabriel.  
“ Cas, I saw Gabriel.” there was silence before the response came this time.  
“ How do you know who that is?” What was in his tone? fear? Anger?  
“ Mommy told me.” then, everything was gone. Sam Winchester had finally, finally subcomed to death.


End file.
